Rude Secret Santa Gifts: Funny Ideas for Work, for Him and for Her

Secret Santa has three rules. There is a budget, there is a name pulled out of a hat, and whatever you buy gets opened in front of everyone at the same time. That last rule is the reason rude Secret Santa gifts exist. A scented candle gets a polite nod. A mug that says Registered Sex Defender gets a round of applause and a quiet word from someone in HR.

This guide covers the funny Secret Santa gifts people actually buy from us every December: t-shirts, mugs and caps, sorted by who you drew and how much trouble you are prepared to get into. Everything below is in our Rude Secret Santa Gifts collection, so if nothing here fits the person on your bit of paper, the rest of the shortlist is there.

How rude is too rude for Secret Santa?

It depends on the room. An office Secret Santa needs a gift that survives being read out loud by someone from accounts. The safest rude gifts are the ones with a double meaning, where the joke only lands a second later and nobody can quite complain. A Secret Santa between friends has no such limits, and the ruder it is, the more likely it ends up in the group chat.

A good test: imagine the gift being opened next to the most senior person in the building. If you would still laugh, buy it. If you would want to explain yourself, save it for the friends' one.

Secret Santa gifts for work

Office humour is its own genre. These are the funny Secret Santa gifts for the office that tend to get pinned to a desk partition rather than reported.

I Am the CFO (Certified Forklift Operator)

The I Am the CFO t-shirt gives someone a job title they can wear to the Christmas party. It works on the actual finance director and on the person who has been on the same warehouse shift for nine years. Both will claim it is accurate.

If the forklift joke is a running thing in your office, the Forklift Certified cap is the smaller version. It is an embroidered cotton twill cap with an adjustable strap, so there is no size to guess.

Efficiency? Yeah, That's Where They Usually Are

Efficiency? Yeah that's where they usually are asks the question in blue capitals over a photo of tropical fish swimming under the surface of the sea. Say it out loud and you will get it. It is for anyone who has sat through a meeting about improving efficiency and heard a different word every time.

Not Now Kitten, Daddy Is Increasing Shareholder Value

A black and white drawing of a shirtless wolf-headed man with a black cat sitting on his head, and the line underneath. Not Now Kitten is for the colleague who talks like a quarterly report and has used the phrase "move the needle" without irony.

Born to Circle Back, Forced to Touch Base

Born to Circle Back, Forced to Touch Base is embroidered rather than printed, which makes it look quieter than it is. It borrows the format of Born to Shit Forced to Wipe, and the person who gets it will recognise every word from their inbox.

Can't Today, I'm Swamped

The Can't Today I'm Swamped cap is the most useful thing on this page. It says what everyone wants to say in December, and it says it from the top of their head so they don't have to. Caps are one size with an adjustable strap, which makes them a safe Secret Santa gift when you have no idea what size someone is.

Christmas ones that are at least festive

If your Secret Santa has a "keep it Christmassy" rule, these follow it. Technically.

Ho Ho Holy S**t, What a Year

Ho Ho Holy S**t What a Year shows Father Christmas slumped in an armchair with a mug, surrounded by unopened presents, looking exactly how everyone feels by the third week of December. It is the closest thing on this list to a normal Christmas t-shirt, which makes it one of the few they can wear on the day itself.

I Put Out for Santa

A glass of milk, a carrot and a plate of cookies, and the words I Put Out for Santa. It reads as completely innocent for about a second. There is also an I Put Out for Santa mug if the budget is tight.

Sleigh

The Sleigh Christmas t-shirt is a very muscular Father Christmas in sunglasses above a red box logo that says Sleigh. It is for the friend who says "slay" unprompted and the colleague who goes to the gym at 5am and mentions it.

Meowy Christmas

The Meowy Christmas mug is the safest gift on this page. If you drew someone you have spoken to twice, and one of those times was about their cat, this is the answer.

Rude Secret Santa gifts for him

Secret Santa gifts for men are hard because most men claim to want nothing. These are the ones that get a reaction anyway. For a wider range of rude gifts for men, including bigger presents outside a Secret Santa budget, see our funny gifts for him.

Master Baiter

Master Baiter is the best-seller in this collection. It is a 1990s bootleg rap tee made of fishing photos: a moustached man in sunglasses and a camo vest holding up a large fish, with purple lightning and chrome lettering. Anyone who fishes will love it. Anyone who doesn't will love it more.

Born to Shit, Forced to Wipe

A gorilla stares straight down the lens with a chimp and another gorilla around it, under the words Born to Shit Forced to Wipe in pink and blue chrome. It is one of the most searched designs on the site and a regular Secret Santa pick for anyone with a low bar. The Born to Shit Forced to Wipe mug has a simpler cartoon monkey version of the design.

Registered Flex Offender

Four shirtless bodybuilders flexing in purple smoke, with REGISTERED and FLEX OFFENDER in chrome above and below. The Registered Flex Offender t-shirt is for the colleague who brings a protein shake to every meeting and the mate who sends gym mirror selfies to the group chat.

Micro Penis Club President

Micro Penis Club President is drawn as a proper club crest, with a marble statue, a laurel wreath and ribbon banners. From a distance it looks like a rugby club badge, which is the whole joke. It also comes as a Micropenis Club President cap. This is one for a friends' Secret Santa, not the office.

Registered Sex Defender

The Registered Sex Defender mug is a white glossy mug with one of the oldest jokes in the world printed on it. It will be used every morning for years, and it will be the first thing a visitor asks about.

Funny Secret Santa gifts for her

Secret Santa gifts for women tend to get bath sets and candles. These get laughed at instead. There are more in our funny gifts for her collection.

Overworked Underfucked

A collage of raccoons and possums in orange and gold chrome, with a message that every person in the office has thought by mid-December. Overworked Underfucked comes as a t-shirt, and as an Overworked Underfucked mug for her desk.

Ketamean Girls

Ketamean Girls is a hand-drawn cartoon of three women in Y2K pink, each with a horse's head. It is for anyone who has watched a certain 2004 film more than ten times, and for a particular kind of group chat.

Hold On, I'm Overstimulated

The Hold on I'm Overstimulated mug is for the colleague who puts headphones on at 9:01 and the friend who leaves parties without saying goodbye. It is a cheap Secret Santa gift that will be on their desk by January.

Halfway through and still stuck? The full rude Secret Santa gift range has more than seventy options, ranked by what sells.

Buying for Secret Santa: budget, sizes and delivery

• Budget. The mugs are the cheapest things in the collection and fit most Secret Santa budgets. Caps and t-shirts are a step up. Prices show in your own currency on each product page.
• Sizes. T-shirts are heavyweight cotton in a unisex regular fit that runs true to size. If you are guessing a colleague's size from memory, go with their usual size, and go up one if you are torn. Caps are one size with an adjustable strap.
• Mugs. 11oz white glossy ceramic, dishwasher and microwave safe.
• Buy three, the fourth is free. If you are doing the office Secret Santa and a friends' one as well, this adds up quickly.
• Delivery. Everything is printed to order. Order by mid-December for Christmas delivery; the exact date for your country is shown at checkout.

If your Secret Santa budget stretches further, several of the t-shirt designs above, Master Baiter, Born to Shit Forced to Wipe and Registered Flex Offender among them, also come as hoodies. They live in our funny hoodies collection. If it is smaller, the mugs and caps in funny stocking fillers work just as well as a Secret Santa present.

Secret Santa questions

What is a good rude Secret Santa gift for someone you don't know?

Go for a joke about something everyone has in common: work, tiredness, Christmas itself. Can't Today I'm Swamped, Ho Ho Holy S**t What a Year and Overworked Underfucked all work without knowing anything about the person.

Are these okay for an office Secret Santa?

The office section above is built for it. The double-meaning ones (CFO, Efficiency, Not Now Kitten) are funny without being explicit. The ones in the "for him" and "for her" sections are better suited to a Secret Santa between friends.

What is the cheapest thing in the collection?

The mugs. If your Secret Santa has a strict budget, start there.

When do I need to order by for Christmas?

Order by mid-December for Christmas delivery. Everything is printed to order, so allow for that on top of shipping. The exact last date for your country is shown at checkout.

Can I order Secret Santa gifts from outside the UK?

Yes. We are UK-based and ship worldwide from fulfilment centres in the US, Australia, Canada and Europe, so most orders don't have far to travel.

Start here

For the full list, go to Rude Secret Santa Gifts. It is sorted by best-sellers, so the top row is a safe place to start.